How it was supposed to be
by Barbie-almost
Summary: Complete for now -- may change after i have taken all my exams this summer! AN inside please read it explains! SORRY!
1. A Happier Ending

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How it was supposed to be.

**Disclaimer: No I don't own Veronica Mars. I'm just about lucky enough to own the box sets! Sorry.**

**Authors Note: So hey. This is my first story like ever. It's an idea that's been in my head for like a week now, so I figured I'd write it down. Or type it I suppose really. It might be like really, really, so if it is I'm sorry!! I don't have a beta I edited it all or whatever myself. Also I'm English so something's might sound and look a bit different cos where I'm from we have a funny accent and a weird way of speaking anyway. Sorry again! Anyways enjoy and please review!**

Veronica sat in her car outside her apartment, having just come home from the scrap yard. Weevil's parting words ringing in her ears.

"_You're going soft Mars!"_

She hadn't answered him. What was there to say? She couldn't deny it. She couldn't even believe it herself. In high school, the place where Madison had been at her worst to Veronica, she would have done almost anything for the chance to have her car cubed. Now, not even a year later, she was turning that down. _Why? Maybe I'm_ _finally growing up and becoming a mature adult._

_Pff. Mature adult._ A small voice in the back of her head sang. _I don't think so. A mature adult would have accepted what Logan said. He didn't do it to hurt you and he does love you. A mature adult would have accepted that and forgiven him. You however walked out and told him you couldn't get over this. Hardly what a mature adult would do, don't ya think?_

Veronica growled. She hated that voice. The voice that always forced its way through whenever anything with Logan was happening. Told her to forgive him, learn to trust him and love him. Veronica refused to listen to it though. She learned long ago not to trust, love or forgive people. The only person she did that for now was her dad. He was the only one who really deserved it. "And maybe Wallace and Mac too." She thought. "And Logan of course" the voice sang again. Veronica sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she looked in the mirror. She had decided years ago that it was easier to survive if you were hard and cynical. The moment she had snipped off her long blonde locks in a fit of rage was when she had determined that she was not going to let anyone in. If you didn't let anyone in, no one could hurt you. That was her theory and it had worked. For a while anyway. She had gone back to school, two weeks later and fought back, for the first time in her life. Lilly would have been proud. For a whole year she managed to keep it up. Never let anyone in. Until of course she went and got herself kidnapped _– well sort of -_ and Logan had come to her rescue and from there everything had gone wrong. Though she and Logan had been getting on…better before 'that day', she was still closed off and untouchable. Then they'd kissed. And the voice had arrived. And from that day on, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get rid of it.

Logically she knew that she didn't want to get rid of it. Deep down she understood that the only time the voice would really go was if he did too. Not go, as in go on holiday. Go, as in gone forever. And no matter what she had said or would go on to say that wasn't something she ever wanted. Not even now after he had done…this. In her heart Veronica knew she loved him. Knew she trusted him and didn't want to lose him. But then again when did ever let herself acknowledge her heart existed, let alone allow herself to think with it. She got out of her car and shut the door before leaning her head on the cool pane of glass.

No matter how strong any of her feelings had been in any of the times they had tried a relationship she had never let herself think with her heart. Turning to walk towards her door she thought to herself the reason why.

_Easy answer. I don't love him. _

_True answer. I'm scared to love him. Or scared to admit it or show it at least_.

In the past whenever Veronica loved someone, they left. Lilly, her mom, Duncan – _the first time_ -. She had never shown Logan that she really loved him. But he had never left. It was a stupid way of reasoning and she knew it, but surely, he was still here so in a way it was kind of working.

_Yeah, course its working. He may not of left, but he's not with you is he. And you're still hurting. So is he. Do you really want to lose him over Madison Sinclair? _

Veronica stopped in front of her front door and stared at herself in the reflection. She looked awful. Her hair was messy. Her eyes were tired. She looked miserable. And she felt it to. As she went inside her dad was washing up. He looked over at her and immediately put down the cloth and plate.

"Oh, honey, you look terrible. Are you ok?"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Dad, do you think it's bad to be scared of loving someone?"

"This is about Logan isn't it?"

She stared up at him, not knowing what to say.

"Sweetheart, sit down. Now I know the two of you, have had more than your fair share of problems and lord knows what the boy has done now. But he clearly loves you and I know you love him. Even if you find it hard to admit that. I don't think it's bad to be scared of loving someone. I think at one time we're all scared to love someone. It such as a big thing. But sweetheart. If you went through life being scared to do things you'd get nowhere. And I know you're not a get nowhere kind of girl. Personally, whilst I've never really liked Logan and thought him an appalling choice of boyfriend, I cannot doubt how much he really loves you and the lengths he'd go to for you. I saw that the night you were drugged. He was so scared. What I'm trying to say Veronica, is that whilst I accept that Logan has probably hurt you, I doubt he did it intentionally. He would never do that. And I know that you're scared of getting hurt, but are you really willing to risk never being with Logan if order to keep your fears from happening. Just think about it dear. I'm going to bed. If you go out, lock the door and leave a note."

With that Keith kissed her forehead and walked to his room with a knowing smile on his face.

Veronica sank back on the sofa cushions, thinking over what her dad had said. She knew he was right. She did love Logan and he would never hurt her intentionally. Thoughts of Madison filled her head. Thoughts of her on top of Logan, underneath Logan. Veronica took a deep breath. Thinking sensibly she knew that Logan had not slept with Madison to make her upset. She understood the reason he hadn't told her. She wouldn't have taken it well. She remembered conversations with him back in high school. He had hated her almost as much as she had. _Then why had he done it?_ _Maybe he was drunk and didn't realise. _Yes! That was it. It had to be. Logan had mentioned when she asked about Aspen, that he had spent the entire time in an alcoholic induced haze. _That was it. He was drunk and Madison took of advantage when he didn't realise._ So if he was drunk and unwilling that could also mean that it had not in any way been like she had been imagining in her head. _At least I hope not_. With a more positive idea in her head Veronica stood her mind made up. Her dad was right he hadn't done this to hurt her and she wasn't going to let Madison Sinclair stand in the way of her being happy.

Grabbing her car keys she rushed out of the door.

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Veronica stood in front of the door to the Presidential Suite biting her lip. On the way here, the nerves had kicked in and now she was debating whether or not it was actually a good idea. As she raised her hand to knock for the fifth time, a large man stumbled into her and knocked her down as the stranger fell on top of her. Veronica began to struggle feeling trapped and slightly claustrophobic under the large weight.

"Get off, you stupid idiot."

"Alright, Jesus Christ calm down!"

"Dick?" "Ronnie." _Oh dear god. _

"What are you doing here Veronica? What more can you possibly do. He's already sad enough. Just leave him alone!" The words were slurred and Veronica realised he was drunk. They finally untangled themselves and stood and Veronica went to knock again.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Dick sounded surprisingly sincere.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I need to have this conversation. I can't go on like this." _Might as well be brutally honest. It's not as if he'll remember in the morning_.

"Fine. But I'd just use your card. He won't bother to come to the door.

With that Dick wandered off in another direction evidently not keen to be around at this particular time. She slipped her key card out of her bag and into the slit. It clicked open automatically. She stepped cautiously inside and put her bag gently on the table next to the door. It was quiet and no one seemed to be around. She headed straight to Logan's bedroom door, knowing that was where he would be. She opened the door quietly and slipped her head in. He was lying on the bed. Flat on his back, staring silently up at the ceiling. Glancing around, Veronica could see countless bottles of vodka, whisky, rum and had to refrain herself from sighing. She was surprised to find she was not frustrated at him for turning to alcohol but with herself for being such a bitch that she was forcing him to do just that. _See if it isn't mature to admit that. I don't know what is._

"Logan" she whispered. His head snapped towards her immediately and she heard his sharp intake of breath.

"Veronica?" she could tell he was having trouble deciding whether or not she was real or a hallucination. She wasn't surprised with the amount of drink he'd had.

Instead of answering she walked to the bed and sat next to him, taking his hand.

"We need to talk"

"We already broke up remember. You don't really need to say that. I get the general idea." The bitterness in his voice was easily recognizable and she instantly felt bad.

"I know, but how about we talk when I'm not being a hysterical, cynical, harsh bitch!"

He looked at her with a questioning look in his eye.

"Logan, I have to know what happened that night in Aspen. What really happened. I know it's stupid and weird but to get over it I need to know. And I want to get over it. I need to get over it, I have to know. I have to know it's not what I made in out in my head. I have to stop this constant slideshow of scenes in my mind. Please?"

He looked down and opened his mouth but not sound came out. Veronica had a feeling she knew why.

"Logan. I know its going to hurt. But I'm ok. Really I just have to know. Please. Just tell me" He nodded slowly and turned to face her.

"Me and Dick were down in Aspen with a bunch of the guys from high school and I think Dick said she was down here with her family or something. I dunno, I didn't pay her much attention. I spent most of my time getting drunk and wishing I was with you. One night I got majorly pissed and Luke told me to go back to my room so I went. She got in the same elevator as me and I just ignored her. When I went to get out she started talking to me and followed me back to my room. I opened the door and told her in no polite way to get lost but I dunno, she must have stopped the door or something cos when I turned around like a minute later she was standing there. I just ignored her and grabbed another bottle of vodka. All I remember after that is collapsing on the bed and puking in the toilet. I don't even remember seeing her again until the next morning, and to be honest I'm not entirely sure how I managed to even, uh, well you know, get it up. Anyways when I woke up the next morning she was laying next to me. She started cuddling up to me and kissing me so I told her to fuck off. She turned around and said that 'you didn't say that last night', cliché I know. She claimed we had sex for hours and how amazing it was. But seeing as I know I left the bar after 4 and it was only 7 and it must have been at least an hour before I passed out, if it did happen it can't have gone on for that long. Anyway I chucked her out and spent the rest of the morning throwing up. We weren't s'posed to leave for another week, but I flew home the next day. I couldn't stand being there knowing I had done that." He said his entire speech in a monotone, staring at his hands as they pulled at the sleeves of his pyjama top. As she sat in silence now, he looked nervous, waiting for her reaction.

Gently she took his hand. "Logan I'm sorry" his head shot first to their hands intertwined to her face a hopeful but guarded expression gracing his features.

"Veronica? Why are you sorry? I'm sorry. So sorry. Really I am I shouldn't have-"

"-Gotten drunk. That's hardly a crime. I don't blame you Logan. Not anymore. I'm sorry I ever did." She held up her hand when he tried to interrupt indicating she had something she wanted to say. "I'm sorry I act like such a bitch and am such a horrible girlfriend. It wasn't until today that I realised I even did act this way. And it's not an excuse, but I think I know why. Everyone I admit to loving and needing leaves me. And I don't want the same to happen with you. But I don't think it will. Everyone else was always so worried about themselves, but you don't. You do stupid things and act irrationally cos you worry about me and no one but my dad has done that before. I know I'm really hard on you and make you feel like you need to measure up to something that's nearly impossible. But I don't want you to. I want you to be you. I know you're gonna mess up, cos everyone does, even me and I'm ok with that. As long as you're ok with the fact that I'm probably still gonna be a bitch occasionally." She took a deep breath and looked at his face. It was lit up with happiness and love. She smiled at him and he full on beamed back.

"Are you kidding? Your bitchiness is something I love about you. Always have. Always will. And Veronica, I promise I'll try harder. I'll do better. I just love you so much, I can't even think straight sometimes!"

"I know. You don't have to try any harder. You're amazing as you are now. I think I'm the problem."

"No, no, no, no, no. Your not. I get all your reasons for being closed off, even if it does annoy me sometimes. We both cause problems. I know I'm too overprotective. I just can't stand to think off anything happening to you. You're my everything, you're all I really have" she could see tears in his eyes and knew that she was no different. She wrapped her arms around him. Burying her head in his shoulder. Inhaling his scent. It was so delicious.

"I love you" He pulled back immediately shock evident on his face. She gently held his chin in her hand and looked him straight in the eye.

"I love you. More than anything. I know I haven't said it before and I should have. But I do. You mean everything to me to. I'm sorry for everything and I forgive you for everything and I want us to be together. Probably. No hiding things, no running off. No nothing. You and me. For real!"

He stared at her for a full minute, before finally shaking his head to indicate he didn't know what to say and pulled her towards him. They began to kiss like there was no tomorrow and it quickly turned more and more passion filled by the second. Though it had been only days, it felt like longer and both were desperate to really feel each. Clothes quickly fell off and onto the floor, the whole time their lips never leaving one another. Their lovemaking was long and slow with each getting to know the other as if it had been years. When both of them were finally too exhausted to carry on, they fell back onto the bed. Veronica instinctively cuddled into Logan's side. His smile was small but full of love as he stared down at her and cradled her protectively to his body. Before long they were both asleep. Bodies entwined together, the two lovers slept peacefully with happy, relaxed dreams for the first time in a while.

**So there it is my first official story. Please review. Please, please, please…..please!**

**Lol. Thanks for reading. **

**Umm. I don't know whether or not I want to continue this story or leave it as a oneshot. I'd like to know what everyone thinks so if you could let me know if you think I should continue it or leave it as it is that would be great! Please…again!**

**X**


	2. How it really happened

**How it was supposed to be.**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own Veronica Mars. I'm just about lucky enough to own the box sets! Sorry.**

**Author's note: Hey so I'm sorry I haven't updated and it's been like two weeks or more or whatever. But I have a perfectly good excuse or about 5. I had all my coursework due in recently. Drama, ict, history, english, maths, science, german, and then I had a load of exams I had to do as well. So it's been pretty hectic. Also I came down with a chest infection a few days back and I have been in bed ever since so….. sorry. **

**Author's note 2: so when I originally wrote this I wasn't planning on having more than that chapter but I didn't do whatever it is you have to do to have it labelled as complete and then a couple of people told me I should continue it. So I'm still not entirely sure if I will but here's something extra anyway cos I was in a creative mood. It's a flashback of what actually happened that night in Aspen. Anyways sorry this note and the last one long. Enjoy…..**

_Logan is sitting in the bar of the hotel he is staying in. He is surrounded by his friends. It is immediately obvious that he is very drunk. His head is flopping from side to side, his hands and arms are flying everywhere uncoordinatedly and excitedly as he speaks or rather shouts out random things in his drunken state. Most of his friends are ignoring him having been told by Dick that he gets like this quite regularly when Veronica is involved and are busy chatting up some of the scantily clad and busty women that remain in the bar at this late hour. _

_Now a few hours later, even less people linger in the bar. The barman (A.N – who in my mind looks and acts exactly like Steve from Sex and the city – apologises if you haven't seen any of the episodes or the film) sits on a stool away from the group and reads a book, happy to be in his own world away from the gang of reckless and rude teenagers. Many of Logan's friends have now disappeared, all having found women who are drunk enough to willingly come with them to a room. Logan, Dick, Casey, John Enbom and a few of Dick's other friends however are still there. Dick can be seen jumping on tables and singing loudly and out of tune to the music in the bar. It is clear he is absolutely plastered yet has still not become charming enough to find a woman that desperate or drunk to sleep with him. (A.N – I have nothing against Dick, he's one of my absolute favourite characters)The other boys also appear to be having a lot of fun dancing and singing madly but Logan is sat on his own at the bar a large number of empty glasses in front of him as he stares dejectedly down at his phone. Veronica's number is highlighted on the screen and his finger hovers over the call button. After some time of Logan summoning the courage to call her and then chickening out he shakes his head and puts the phone away his hands finding it hard to get the phone in his pocket in his inebriated state. A few tears can be seen making their way down his face before he angrily wipes them away and yells at the bartender to get him another drink._

_Behind Logan the boys suddenly become very excited yelling out rude and suggestive statements to a newcomer to the group. As a few of the girls remaining shift to a different part of the makeshift dance floor we are able to see that it is Madison Sinclair. She smiles flirtily at all the boys but her beady eyes are already fixed on Logan. The boys heckle her for a while and she seems perfectly content to join in but when a few older and fresher looking girls arrive and the boys attention is drawn away from her she slinks towards the bar in somewhat of a sulk. Logan had only looked over at her once when she had first arrived but had not paid her much attention not having liked her in high school and finding her even more repulsive now. She sidles up to him swaying her hips saucily and looks put out when he doesn't even turn towards her. Undeterred she slips into the seat next to him and draws it right up close getting in his personal space. Logan blatantly turns himself away; putting his back to her and in the process manages to knock over a number of the glasses finding it hard to control his limbs. _

"_Logan don't be like that baby" Madison simpers, clutching his upper arm tightly._

"_Fuck off" he replies, not in the mood for pleasantries. He stands from his chair but immediately loses his balance and falls against the bar. He giggles. John and Dick notice this and make their way over. Madison gets off her own chair and takes advantage Logan's inability to stand and pushes up against him while he leans on the bar for support. She runs her hands up and down his chest. Glee is clear on her face. Everyone had known had much Madison had always wanted Logan in high school but he'd never given her the time of day, it seemed to her as if now she could finally get what she really wanted. Dick and Enbom reach the pair both looking surprisingly sober and concerned all off a sudden. _

"_Logan, dude. You good?" As Enbom asks the question he casually pushes Madison out of the way seeing how uncomfortable Logan is. She looks pissed. _

"_NO….she won't fucking get…and I can't bloody st… ugh, I feel sick" his words are slurred as he holds his head and sways on his feet. _

"_Dude, come on go to bed." Enbom and Dick haul Logan towards the door, gently smacking the back of his head when he goes to protest. They disappear out of the door of the bar however Dick slinks back in shortly. He makes his way straight over to Madison. _

"_What the fuck were you doing to him" he asks angrily. "Nothing, I was just trying to see if he wanted to have some fun!" Madison goes to stalk past him but Dick grabs her arm. "What"_

"_Nothing…I was just gonna say…if he didn't want you in high school…he ain't gonna want ya now. Take it from the Dickman…Maddie, babe you ain't got any hotter. Besides dudes still hung up on Ronnie."_

"_Veronica Mars. Still. God. What a freak. She must be really good in bed to keep him this interested. But what about you Dick. You up for it." Madison trails a finger down his chest and Dick looks uncomfortable. He tries to push her hand away but she persists. _

"_Maddie, come on. I'm not. I don't. Look if you get him drunk enough he'd probably sleep with you ok." Dick swallows and looks almost disappointed in himself for what he has said but Madison looks happy. She slides her hand lower down his stomach and smiles up at him "but how would I see him now, you've gone and sent him to bed."_

"_Just go to his room"_

"_He won't answer the door"_

"_Knock"_

"_Like I said, he won't answer the door"_

"_then…umm…..ring him!"_

"_I don't have his number….you could just give me the key" As she says this her hands run down flies of his jeans and back up again. Dick coughs and splutters unable to concentrate but trying to force himself not to get turned on having promised himself Madison was a mistake he would never repeat. _

"_There's...uh there's not a key it's a pin number activated thingy. Uh!"_

"_Whats the pin?"_

"_I dunno…I can't…stop!"_

"_I will if you tell me the pin" Madison now begins to pull his zip down and Dick panics_

"_2339, please…just..uh…stop!" Madison immediately withdraws her hand and sends Dick a smug smile. He covers his face with his hand and looks ashamed. Madison sashays away. _

_Madison walks out of an elevator on the top floor of the hotel. She stops in front of an oak door. The corridor is in relative darkness lit only by wall lights. Madison looks around then enters the pin code and slips into the suite. No one is around on the main room but despite Logan only having been up about ten minutes the place is covered in drink bottles and empty glasses anyway. It is clear that Logan started his binge drinking before he even entered the bar. Madison walks over to the centre table and picks up a picture that had been on it. It is of Logan and Veronica. They are sitting together on the beach. Veronica is in the v of Logan's legs and Logan's head is resting on her shoulder. They both looked relaxed and happy and in love. Madison tears the picture in half and looks down at the two pieces in her hands. _

"_What the hell are you doing here? Piss off. Get out. What the fuck Madison, my photo!!!" Logan's angry voice interrupts the eerie calm of the suite as she turns towards him a sexy look on her face but he storms towards her and grabs the photo pieces out of her hand. _

"_You fucking bitch. What did you do that for? Get the fuck out of my room NOW!" Logan yells at her his hands flying in the direction of the door. Madison takes a step back but regains her composure and tries to grab one of his hands. _

"_Come on Logan, I just wanna have a little bit of fun. You don't need that gold digging whore Veronica Mars." Her words incense Logan more and he grabs her arm and begins to pull her towards the front door. _

"_Don't you ever talk about her like that. She is worth ten, no a hundred of you and she is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. You. Your nothing but a trampy spiteful slut that'll do anything to get what she wants. I don't want to have fun with you. I don't want to do anything with you. Now get out of my room before I call security." He opens the door and shoves Madison into the hall, slamming the door in her face. She glares at it childishly before stomping away down the hall. _

_Inside his bedroom now, Logan sits on the bed, a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and his phone in the other. Now Logan is scrolling through all the pictures he has on their of himself and Veronica. His Ronnie. The love of his life. All the happy memories that were just that. Memories. He flicks back over to his phonebook and once again tries to make himself call her. Then he realises what the time is and in a sudden fit of anger at what he has once again lost he throws his phone against the wall hard. It smashes and the noise satisfies him._

"_I love you Veronica. Always have, always will". He downs the rest of the bottle in one go and sits in silence gradually becoming greener by the minute before he suddenly jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After he has emptied the contents of his stomach, he stumbles back into his room, takes off his shirt and promptly passes out face down on his bed._

_In her own room, Madison sits on the sofa, her fingers lightly touching her chin, clearly thinking. Her eyes suddenly light up with an idea and she checks her watch. Seeing she has time for a shower before whatever it is she now has planned, she runs into the bathroom an evil glint on her face. _

_Later, when it is light outside but still early, Madison once again enters Logan's suite. She walks quietly in his bedroom and he is still asleep. She moves towards him with a slightly manic look in her eye. Careful not to wake him she, slowly inches both his jeans and his boxers down his legs before throwing them haphazardly on the floor. She then takes off all of her own clothes, and climbs into the bed next to him. Her eyes flutter closed as she falls asleep, happily awaiting the time when he wakes up. _

_Logan's eyes slowly begin to open and he smile softly feeling the warm body next to him on the hotel bed. He reaches his arm out towards it but frowns when his hand finds too rough of a skin, and too large of a body. He sits up and withdraws his arm sharply as he stares down in horror at the girl next to him. He quickly jumps to the conclusion of what must have happened between them seeing as they are both naked. Madison rolls over and smiles sweetly at him. _

"_Hey baby, are you ok?"_

"_Did we? We didn't? Oh god!" Logan grabs his jeans from the floor and runs to the bathroom his hand over his mouth. _

"_Logan, sweetie wait." Madison calls after him but makes no effort to follow him. _

_In the bathroom Logan retches over the toilet before sinking down to the floor, tears now openly running down his face. He repeats the word "no" to himself over and over again. _

_Back on the bed, Madison smiles happily having got exactly what she wanted. _

**Sooooo. I know. Its not that know its not that good. But I had to keep stopping like every ten minutes cos the computer screen makes me dizzy. So I may just stop the story here or carry on. I can't decide. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. It makes me so happy.**

**Oh and I do not own Veronica Mars, or Sex and the city or anything else that is remotely well known in this piece.**


	3. Author's note sorry!

**Author's note**. --- **please please read!**

Hey.

So I'm really sorry about my fic. I really wanted to get it finished and I have written a couple of chapters but none of them make sense and they're all pretty shit if I'm being honest.

I am determined to finish this eventually as I know how annoying it is to read a fic and then never see how it ends but I'm now about to enter into the period of exams that kinda dictate what I do for the rest of my life so from now on all my free time is going on studying. So as for now I'm labelling my fic as complete, though I'm not sure whether or not it actually is.

I don't actually know if there's anyone that cares or even likes my story, but I got a few story and author alert things so hopefully that means there is.

Again, I'm really sorry about posting this as a chapter.

Also I posted something a while back asking about some stories and a few people replied and I was able to find them. So I just wanna say thanks. That was great of you.

So anyway thanks for reading if you are and uh sorry for boring you if you're not.


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